My Declaration of Independence

Dear Self

You’ll meet him when you’ve just done something utterly embarrassing in a rare display of emotion. He will watch (unnoticed by you), eyes crinkled in amusement while you pound on the closed door of the empty Linguistics department. This attractive specimen of the human race will suppress his laughter while you wail “…you must open the door for my essay!”

After a few more minutes of viewing your frenzied monologue with the sturdy wooden door about the possibility of you losing your DP, he will say something profound to your quivering shoulders. Something like “Let me unlock the door for you before it gets hurt.” Your gushing gratitude towards your knight with shining keys will match his intrigue at the nutcase door abuser and you will naturally decide to get to know each other better over coffee – cue Queen’s Crazy Little Thing Called Love.

Reality check, Self. It hasn’t happened. Mr Mysterious Essay Saviour hasn’t materialised. Admittedly, Future You hasn’t stopped dreaming about it either. You still stare out your window at couples walking down the street holding hands. Celine Dion’s All By Myself or something equally soul-crushing still plays on Algoa FM while you’re doing this. So far you’ve survived being single in the sea of couples on campus. How have you done this, you ask?

When you become impatient waiting for Attractive Specimen to appear, you’ll find that certain thoughts help. Being single means you don’t have to fry your hair with a straightener every day to keep ‘him’ keen. You can also leave residence/digs without wearing make-up if you choose. No need to shave your legs daily either – no one will be getting close enough to notice. No ego-boosting necessary (“yes you do know more about cars than him”) or pretending to enjoy a soccer match when you could be watching 7de Laan. Enjoy single-ness… while it lasts, that is.

Yours always
Future You